Amish: What’s a light bulb?
Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholics: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Anglicans: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the
drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell
him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you
have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to
write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions
including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all
of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or
completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or
tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring
bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church
Orthodox: Change? Orthodox don’t believe in change!